Depressed

I hate my life and it makes me hate myself for hating my life because there is nothing to hate. I have my two wonderful kids and a roof over my head. I am a piece of shit for feeling this miserable when life has blessed me so good with our life and health. I haven’t even made my post partum appointment which is well past due. I have a hard time getting out of bed or doing anything. My poor 3 year old I feel so bad for. I’m feeding him junk and just stuff that doesn’t need cooked. My husband hasn’t said anything about my behavior idk what he is thinking but I feel so unloved too. Idk what to do I’m miserable. I just wish I wasn’t alive sometimes and then I feel soo guilty for feeling this way. I hate myself so much