I convinced myself to stay for multiple reasons throughout my time with him when I thought about leaving, before I finally got the courage to actually walk away.

-I loved him. Just that simple...he and I had some amazing times together. He was a man of extremes, so the bads were horrific, but the goods were some of the best days of my life.

-He would go from hot and cold and back again, so right when it got so bad I considered leaving, he'd switch and things would get soooo much better again

- He convinced me I was the one that was wrong. I didn't know what a real relationship was about. I knew he was like this before I moved in with him. I shouldn't piss him off and he wouldn't do this. Etc.

- I had nowhere else to go. His job had us moving a lot, I was always in an unfamiliar city, and I knew if I left I'd be homeless. All the shelters had a 90 day policy before I'd have to leave. I had no job or skills, I was young. There was no way I could get a job that paid enough to have all the down-payments needed for a place to live in 3 months. Even the counselors at the shelters I called agreed my situation had me screwed.

When I did leave and began getting on my own two feet, he threatened suicide. When that didnt work, he hacked my cellphone and all social media and locked me out so I couldn't contact anyone. He told me if I didn't get on a plane by 5 PM that day to go back to him, he would contact everyone I had any type of relationship with, my boss, and cause so much hell that I'd be fired and no one would want anything to do with me anymore. I believed him, I knew he would do it. I almost went back. I almost gave in. And when I didn't, he did what he said he would. I lost friends, my relationship with certain family members was ruined. Thankfully I had told my boss what was going on, and it was overlooked, though just barely. This continued on for 5 months. It was exhausting and I did have the thought maybe it'd be easier to go away just to end it.

Why do we stay with these men that are less than we deserve?