How would you feel if your husband is always on his phone (talking, texting, Facebooking, instagramming, etc.). He comes home from work on his phone and stays on his phone until bedtime. I’ve tried talking to my husband about it, telling him how I need quality time with him off his phone. But nope. He acts as if it’s a chore to spend time with me. This has been going on for over a year. Even when we go out to eat, he’s on his phone. However, when he goes out to eat with his male friends or colleagues, and I text him or call him for something, he rushes me off the phone or tells me he can’t text because he’s meeting with so and so. Why can’t I get that same respect when we’re out?

How would you feel if you are always the one initiating sex with your husband, and he keeps rejecting you? Every now and then, he’ll come on to me, but it’s rare. I have to text him days in advance to book a “sex appointment,” and sometimes that falls through even when he agrees to it. His excuse is that he’s tired. I thought maybe he has low testosterone levels because he is diabetic and I heard that messes with a man’s libido, so I bought him vitamins for it, but he won’t even take them.

There’s so much more to this, but I will wait to share that. But I am so hurt. I feel so unloved and unwanted. I am a big communicator, so he knows how I feel. He just doesn’t care. What would you do? How would you proceed if you were in my shoes? (Side note: we have a one year old son together. I noticed the change in his behavior towards the middle of my pregnancy. I don’t think it had anything to do with the pregnancy because he was so excited about it and continued treating me good until he decided to open up a church and befriended all of these pastor friends... after that, I went from being his number one to being at the bottom of his priority list. We’ve talked and talked about this. He denies that he has changed. I’m tired of talking. I have no one to talk to. Being married to a pastor puts you in a really awkward position... you can’t vent to just anyone... hence why I’m anonymous).

Edit: I’ve been crying all night/morning. It’s 4am where I’m at. I have a massive headache from crying so hard. This has been an ongoing issue for over a year, but what prompted this post was the fact that he turned me down for sex yet again tonight. I was super duper horny (sorry TMI) And was practically begging for sex. He was downstairs watching tv and I was upstairs doing last minute homework, but I told him I couldn’t concentrate on my homework because all I’m thinking about is sex and that I just needed a quickie so I can focus... he kept sending the laughing emojis and then he was like no I’m watching Charmed. I started sending sexy pics to him and he just kept laughing at them. and then he started ignoring my messages altogether and I just felt really rejected. It’s one thing if this was a one time deal, but this is very often. I waited 25 years to have sex—I was a virgin. He was my first. Now I regret waiting because i feel like I waited for nothing. We’re still in our 20s. Yet, I feel like an old married couple. I don’t even know what I’m here for in this marriage because he’s at work until 5pm doesn’t get home until 6pm and then he’s on his phone the whole night and then some nights he have meetings and doesn’t come home until 9pm. I’m like the last person to know things. He plans all these events at the church but I’m the last one to know.... all his pastor friends know more about what’s going on with him than I do. I’m tired. And for the person that asked, no he can’t get fired because it’s his own church. He started the church. It wasn’t like a church that was already established and they made him the pastor. He is the founder of this church so he can’t technically get fired. I don’t have any proof of cheating, but I do feel that something isn’t right. Thanks ladies for your insight. My intuition has been telling me what y’all are telling me, but of course he acts like I’m just cray and paranoid. I thought I had a keeper. He was the complete opposite of this up until a year and a half ago. Crazy how you can marry one person and they turn into a completely different person. The scripture is true “bad company corrupts good morals.” When I first met him, he never cursed or anything. He started hanging with these pastors and all of a sudden he’s cursing. And gets mad at me for calling him out on it. I call him a follower and he swears he’s not. I’m like you want to fit in with these no good pastors so bad. Smh 🤦🏽‍♀️

Edit #2: I’m aware that could very well just be a phone addiction, but even if it is, we’ve been communicating about it for over a year. He should be trying to make some changes. Now I feel like I’m not important enough to him to want to change. Also, what’s the best way to investigate. I used to be good at this stuff in the past, but my husband is smarter than my exes. He hides stuff well. I already have access to his Facebook account—nothing too fishy there—other than he’s always inboxing other pastors all day every day when he should be working. But it’s nothing crazy...just a bunch of church talk or guy talk depending how close they are. I did see that he has been communicating with an ex girl friend very recently like as of last week. She asked him to call her and pray for her. I don’t trust that... I see he called her on Facebook and they talked for 14 minutes Saturday morning while he was gone running errands. But of course I have no way of knowing what was discussed. He never mentioned it to me. She lives about 4 hours away from us, so I doubt anything physical is going on with them as of yet. I can’t get into his Instagram account because he changed the password last time I accessed his account. He found out and changed his password and I can’t figure out what it is.