My son was born with 0.9 blood sugars and was rushed to NICU soon after birth. They put him on a 3 hour feeding schedule on formula while being hooked up to I.V sugar water. He improved immensely and I'm very happy the NICU nurses busted their asses to take care of my little boy along with all the other little ones.

But now I'm struggling. I feel like that moment of the first breastfeed bond was taken away from me. Of course it's no ones fault and I feel bad for saying it but idk how else to explain it.

He'll latch after a bit of a struggle and I get so happy but he gives up almost instantly because he doesn't want to work and stretch the nipple to the back of his throat unlike the instant satisfaction of the bottle. Some days he stays latched and he almost gets there but he just gives up.

I've talked to numerous lactation consultants who think they have that one special trick that'll work. I've tried different positions, pumping and dripping breastmilk on the nipple to entice him, nipple guards, pumping first to make my nipple stick out more and then getting him to latch. Just about everything, and now he's latching but not latching properly. He'll fight me when I try to encourage his head onto the whole areoles and nipple but he fights me and just latches to the nipple which hurts like a bitch. So I have to stop him.

I just feel so defeated somedays and I feel like giving up. But I don't want to but I'm just at my wits end...