Feeling down

I have a close friend that I confide in about this, but I don’t think it’s quite the same as getting feedback from here. All I hear is ‘it’ll be you next’, ‘we’ll have to see what the doctors say’ and it kills me every time she says it.

As much as I love my friend and I know she’s right, I still can’t help but feel so down about my situation.

I came off the pill around 2 years ago, and me and my other half decided that if ‘it happens’ then great! Just over a year ago we decided to properly start trying for a family, but still we are babyless and I am bumpless.

He had a sperm test which came back saying his little guys aren’t swimming as well as they should be, but pregnancy isn’t impossible. He made a second deposit last week which we’ll get the results back in 2 weeks.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted kids, but I’ve also always thought I’d be one of the unlucky ones that can’t have them, just because I wanted them so much.

I found out the other day that two of my friends are now pregnant..one who’s clinically overweight and one with diabetes. I know I sound horrible, but why can they get pregnant and I can’t? As far as I’m aware, there’s nothing wrong with me. I know it looks as though my other half is having problems with his swimmers, so I probably sound stupid for saying all this, but I still feel as though the problem’s me. I broke down at work because it all got too much, I feel pathetic.

Everywhere I look there are pregnant women, babies, a baby talk. I wish I could be part of that world. I feel like it’s all being rubbed in my face.

I never thought I’d be someone who would have to go down the route of IVF, but I think it might be my only option.

I don’t know if anyone else feels like this? I don’t want to feel like this, I want to be happy for my friends who are expecting, but deep inside I can’t help it 😔