Would it be stupid to reach out? Update

When I was 14, I was raped by my brother. His wife and 9 month old son was upstairs. I didn’t tell for 2 weeks. When I did, no one believed me. I pulled away from my family and we basically had no relationship. When I was 16, he was finally arrested. They had proof of everything, he admitted it. When he was arrested, his wife left him.

I can’t imagine what she went through, she was honestly the most amazing person ever. I loved her. It probably tore her apart. During that time, she felt like I was trying to ruin her life. But.. I get it. She was dealing with it her own way.

I seen her 6 months after he was arrested at my grandpas funeral and she hugged me. All she said was “you look nice” as she hugged me. I cried afterwards because for once, I felt relief that maybe she actually believed me.

I seen her once more when I was 17, at a doctors office. We never spoke.

I’m 20 now. It’s been 6 years to the date since I was raped. As I get older, and now that I’m married with kids, I feel more.. hurt about it. Not that I’m depressed or anything, it’s hard to explain. I want to reach out and not bring up the past but tell her my side. Just that I’m sorry and I never meant for anything to happen, and despite what she may believe, I never lied.

I only feel that way because my whole dads side of the family outcasted me. I became nobody to them, no one believed me. She was like my big sister and I don’t want her to think that I made it all up.

In all honesty, I miss her. I guess I want to clear the air, more for me and giving myself closure. Would this be a bad idea?

Update: I messaged her. I was so scared of her reply but.. it was very sweet. It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders