Past Abuse


Hey guys i just saw a similar post about a young woman taking about her abuse. I feel like I could get some support from talking about mine. I was very depressed around this time last year. For about 9 months, I was talking to way older men over the internet (I was 16 and I think the youngest was 24). It started out as innocent but it eventually grew very sexual. It ended up spitballing into meeting up in real life to do things. In May, my mom tracked my location on my phone and figured out that I was at a hotel. I was so ashamed. For months my mom and I didn’t speak. I believed that it was all my fault. I thought that since I was seeking attention, I deserved to be abused how I was abused. But I didn’t see it as abuse until I went back to therapy again. I cried a lot. My therapist explained about how the men’s behaviors were grooming me, and how they emotionally and sexually abused me. I still feel dumb to this day, but I do feel less guilty. I watched Lady Bird in August and I remember bawling because I didnt get to have “regular” teenage sexual experiences as my first time. Fast forward to now, I’m way happier, I’m taking care of myself, and I have so much stronger bonds with my friends. I even have a boyfriend of 2 months, who is my age, and is reteaching me how to truly love and be in a relationship (outside of sex as well as within sex). The problem is, I haven’t told him much about my experiences with the men. I feel like I should, just so he understands, but I don’t want him to feel bad for me because it’s mostly in my past. But, I just want you all to know that your abuse isn’t your fault no matter how much you feel like it is. Pushing past mental blocks is hard, but it’s easier with someone by your side.