Troubles with my mother

I’m frustrated with my mom. She treats me so awful when she’s around other people. We went to a baby shower yesterday and once we arrived it’s like I was the dirt on her shoes. She barley spoke to me or looked my way. She was immediately up my half sisters ass (her step daughter). I asked her a question at least seven times. She ignored each time. So I had to ask my dad and he had to get her attention. I get I can’t have her full attention all the time but when I’m standing directly in front of her and have repeatedly asked a question I’d expect her to at least acknowledge me a little.No matter what I do I will always be second best in her eyes. I’ve been there and helped her so many times when others wouldn’t but she doesn’t seem to care or appreciate it. It’s like she thinks I owe it to her. Like she’s the queen and I’m her servant. It seems like it’s got worse since she’s been attending church. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad shes going but I hate how she looks at me just because I choose not to. She acts like she’s better than me and everyone else who doesn’t go. If I tried to tell her how I feel she would turn it around and say I was attacking her and that I was the problem. Ever time I’ve ever tried to confront her on something or tell her my feeling about something she somehow makes it my fault. I’m always the bad guy who does wrong while she is the sweet angel who never does anything bad. I love her with all my heart, but I hate the things she does. She treats my dad awful and I can’t stand it. She yells and fusses on him for things he doesn’t even do or things he can’t control.I have to stay away or we will end up fighting over him it’s happens many of times. I don’t see how he lives the way he does. He’s constantly alone she’s always taking the car and going off places leaving him to himself. She says she wants to have a close relationship and that I can come to her about anything but she’s wrong she’s so hateful and judgmental. How could I tell her my feelings when I know I’m going to catch shit for it. She’s not a bad mother but she’s not a good one either. My granny was more of a mom to me then mines ever been. Or ever will be. I guess thats one of the reasons why I took her death so hard. Mama acts like a child. She thinks she’s young and hip. She feels more like a sister than a mother. And I don’t want that. I want a mother. I don’t want another sister I have plenty I just want a mom who cares who understand who isn’t trying to be better than her own child. A mom who doesn’t get jealous of her child. A mom who doesn’t have a favorite daughter. A mom who loves all her children equally. Not a mom who is denial that shes not young anymore.

I my sound like a spoiled brat to some of you but I don’t care. This is how I feel and have felt for so long. I just need to get it off my chest. To let someone other than myself hear my thoughts. Please don’t think I don’t love my mama I’d do anything In the world for her but I just don’t think she’d do the same.