Advice please!!

I been with my husband 21 yrs I got married young i’m 35 now . We have 5 kids , 3 yrs ago he cheated and he acts like I went out on our marriage so he controls everything i do . If I have a job interview he takes me . If I have to go to the store I have to take one of the kids. Yet, he goes out to horse races and he goes alone drinks with his buddies . My friend told me about a app called whisper lately, I been talking to a paramedic his 38 . The day I started messaging him . My husband kicked me , punched me in the head. I vented to him, but idk 😐 I feel comfortable talking to him but I feel bad for taking to him because I’m still married but i feel lonely. I don’t want a relationship with no one . I’m just talking to him idk if that can lead to something else but for sure not a relationship.

Reply: To the lady asking I got married at 14 . I ran away with him at 14 and he got us a mobile home . I ran away bc since I was 9 my step dad would molest me , but I never told my mom till this day. My step dad still the same but now he traumatizes my big sister youngest daughter and no one believe what she says . My mother does not believe nothing of all the girls that have accused him . No one has ever called the cops and I fear everyone will hate me if I said the truth . Everyone bows to my step dad like if his a goddess.