LONG POST📝🙄

Did you become your mom? Do you have a lot of traits of your mom that you can’t help when parenting?

My mom wasn’t the worst mom but she wasn’t the best. She wasn’t nurturing, she wasn’t loving, she didn’t say “i love you” much, she didn’t really hug or kiss besides when we were younger, i also remember her signing me up for sports that SHE wanted me to play and never went to one game. & she was really mean with her words when she was mad at us. She’d call me and my brother out our names, she’d call us fat face, and just use a home over our heads. I was maybe 17 when she’d always throw in my face I’ll get kicked out if i don’t shut the fuck up, or kick me out of the car in the middle of wherever if an argument arised and she didn’t like what me or my brother was saying.. she was pretty mean at times, but she also did great things like travel us around the world, took us on trips, had all the gifts in the world on Christmas, got us tutors for school. I guess that was her way of showing us love? Idk.. she wasn’t the worst though. Much better then her mom i could say. Her mom (my grandma) abandoned her when she was really young, treated her like shit, didn’t show her affection either, and made her do unfair shit and didn’t take care of her. My great aunt, my grandmas sister told me she found my mom on the counter eating butter because my grandma was passed out with a hangover on the couch from the night before. Crazy thing is my great grandmother. Great aunt and grandmas mother was the same exact way!!! How funny is that.. (not really) history repeats itself i guess. Which is really sad.. anyways i have a two year old little sister & i show that little girl so much love like my own, i kiss her a billion times in an hour, tell her how much i love her, pick her up and just hug and squeeze her, play with her, talk to her, eat with her, discipline her without being mean to her and just show her how much i love her. Im also pregnant & i truly couldn’t imagine treating my sister or my own baby this way.. i feel truly blessed that I’m so lovable even though i didn’t really feel it growing up. But how? How could i do this & my mom or Grandma couldn’t do this? Why do i have so much love in my heart but they don’t? Why don’t they feel like shit? When i hurt or even say something mean to someone and think about it later i honestly feel like shit and even sometimes cry and end up calling up the person and saying sorry.. i never want to lose this trait but just curious on how that happens? Wouldn’t you want to be everything your mom wasn’t if it affected you that much? Idk would love some opinions and maybe experiences!