Miscarriage story.. 🌈

November 8th marked 6 months since I lost my little on at 6 weeks. Two days after I found out I was pregnant my friend found out she was pregnant she was a day late, she wanted me to test with her (we already knew I was pregnant) but before we tested I took a video, I just went back to watch the video. I was so happy me and her were going to be mommy’s together I was due in December she was due in January. When I was taking the test with her I noticed that her line was so much darker then mine and when I took my tests when I first found out I had a strong positive and this time my lines where faint I immediately turned the camera off .. I was worried but tried to not think about me , I took her to the hospital where it was confirmed she was 4 weeks 🧡 we were going to be mommies !! His mom bought little onesies and my mom bought baby books, I tried for a year and like 6 months for a baby, I was so heartbroken when they were negative. Then when I finally got my blessing, but then my whole world came crashing down.... woke up one morning from a weird dream that I don’t remember but I woke up scared , brushed it off. Headed to the bathroom and seen blood I immediately panicked, I tried to tell myself everything was going to be okay but I just knew it wasn’t going to be... I called my mom and she took me to the ER , where the cramping kicked in 10 times worse , I was on the hospital floor in so much pain I felt like I was going to die, I threw up I was bleeding so much my body was so weak.. after drawing blood the doctors came in and told me I was miscarrying .. I was so broken. I kept asking god why.. I always wondered why everything bad happens to me . Why? Why? I’m such a good person, I just wanted to be a mommy. Weeks past, I was still crushed. My friend was still pregnant with her little bean, she would constantly talk about how her parents are planning her baby shower and all this stuff and it took everything in me not to break down, but I let her talk about it I let her go on and on about it because I knew she was happy even though it crushed me inside I didn’t wanna bring her down because of my pain. I went to her ultrasound where she was going to finally find out the gender, and her little baby was sucking on her thumb it was the cutest thing ever, it broke me I never got to see my little baby . But i tried to be there for her as much as possible! Even felt her kick❤️ ( she was having a girl ) . Today I still hurt but I am stronger. I try to keep my faith in god, and believe that one day I will have a baby and I WILL be a mommy. I know I was only 6 weeks and some girls where monthssss but this still breaks me in every way. I started drinking bad , I lost myself last month. But now I’m getting myself back together, I just want you girls to know that you are not alone. We will be a mother one day, and we will got our rainbow babies , and for you girls who never had a miscarriage I pray you never have to go through that and you have a healthy baby and a safe delivery 🧡 Live your life to the fullest, we only get this one life! Don’t waste it , everything will come together in time!🙌🏼 don’t lose yourself babygirl, keep holding on !