Can’t leave my FWB alone and I have a boyfriend

So me and this guy has been fucking around for the past year and my boyfriend and I have been friends for a couple years and we just started dating in July. My boyfriend is deployed right now, in the navy. However, the other day I slept with that other guy but we didn’t have sex. He teased me some then I gave him a blowjob and swallowed. Me and him have a lot of history in the past year and I haven’t seen him since June. But for some reason he won’t give me a chance..he’s not ready. I’ve been after him for a year. & my boyfriend doesn’t know any of this like I said he’s deployed and I can’t talk to him for a while.

Idk what to do. I done fucked up

I’ve never cheated on my exs at all. I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship at one point and I NEVER cheated but I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Maybe I’m not ready to settle down?