I had two beautiful empowering all natural births. I of course planned my third to be the same, but when I went into labor I had a premature placental abruption and ended up gushing blood. I was rushed to the nearest hospital which was not where I planned to be - with an OBGYN I’d never met. I was given pitocin and my membranes artificially ruptured to speed up labor. It was painful, and it was scary. And although the baby and I were both healthy in the end, and I still ended up with a natural delivery, it was not what I had expected. I spent a lot of time sad, with a lot of “what if’s”. I am now seeing how normal it is to grieve the loss of what was planned. To be really sad. Talking to others who have been through similar situations has helped tremendously. It felt so silly at first to be so sad about it. This was my last baby, so I won’t have a chance for a healing birth, but talking is everything. Im just sharing my story so others know it is normal, and it’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to still be sad even with others saying “at least” “at least you and baby are healthy” “at least you still have a vaginal delivery”. It doesn’t take away what was lost.