I wanna know something my dads dead a year and a half go and my grandma died 3 months ago I lost my ex fiancé he walked out on me and my mom. He was a manipulative liar and he used me for money And every guy I’ve met after him like 3 used me for money and I met another he didn’t use me for money but he was sexually abusive and controlling and I feared being around him. I wanna know is there more to look forward to? I’m 21 this month. I have sisters 2 and a brother they’re all married with kids and I live with my mom, brother, his wife and kid and his wife and him hate me and my sister because we’re single and we are minglers like we talk to guys and what not but I mean we’re not hoes. My brother doesn’t really give two shits about me and my mom at the end of the day, it’s always mom what’d you make and where’s mom, where’s that, it’s not how are you guys. It’s I get what I want and bye. I went out of country to my native place and I thought itd be good for me but i left within 2 weeks I hated it. Also I think about my ex fiancé a lot because he was there when my dad died and I miss my dad and him so much I cry when everyone is asleep I’m so lost I wish I had hope in life to motivate myself to be a better person but I just cry cry and cry when I miss him. I miss my dad sometimes I wish I can go with him. Sometimes I cry to the point where my tummy hurts. I forget to eat some days and end up with a painful hunch in my stomach around 4 it 5 pm, sometimes later but like it’s only happened once or twice. I wish I had motivation but I just don’t understand what the fuck is going on in my life. Sometimes I wanna cry to my mom and cry like a baby and tell her or just sit there and cry and not say a word but she’ll get stressed if I do that. She already lost her husband of 40+ years and her mom I can’t put her through more. I thought about leaving too but I couldn’t do that to her I love her too much to leave her like this. She’s my everything, my wonderful mom. I’m so fucking lost though. I just wanna know is there more to life after this ? I’m turning 21 in a few days. Is this life? Or do I need to push harder ? I don’t understand ?