Today I went to my older sisters birthday party. Her 4 year old daughter kept saying she wanted a "live baby" for christmas. That she wanted a baby sis or bro. And my sister looks at my mom and says "it's your fault". My mom I guess taught my niece to say it. My sister in law was there as well and she is currently 15ish weeks along and joined in in their conversation and agrees that my sister should have another kid. Now I have nothing against Kayla having another baby. I would be happy to have another niece or nephew. But what bothered me was how my mom talked to me about my husband and I trying for baby #3. We are currently on the whole 2 week wait and it's nerve wracking, but my mom kept saying I'm pretty sure you can't have any more pregnancies because of how bad I tore during the birth of my first born. (I had a 4th degree tear inside and out. I even had to go to physical therapy for 8 weeks after. I didn't know that had therapy for the southern region) I have told my mom how it makes me feel to hear her talking about pregnancy with either of my sister's and I know I can't avoid it either, but when she told me that tonight I felt myself shatter. She was the one encouraging me get pregnant again. She was the one always telling me to test as soon as we could. Every day test, test, test. And every month it's bad enough I feel like my body failed me, that I wasn't good enough or anything, that I failed my husband and my child who want another kid as bad as I do. To her to say that shattered me. She has given up on me being able to have another. Yesturday was sad enough since it would have been my half way point in my pregnancy if I had not lost Sam, today was a bad day and it finished that way to. I have to say she shocked me when she said it. How do i pick up my pieces? How do i keep myself from feeling it might be true?