We blew up at each other 2 nights ago. He’s become this incredibly selfish and wacko person imo, and I just can’t deal w him anymore.

We have 2 dogs and a cat. Cat was mine before we married but the dogs we adopted together. Since ttc it’s become solely his job to clean the cats box/closet and boy does he resent me for it. Ironically, I don’t think it’s ever been his job to clean up after the dogs.

Everything is always about him. His workout schedule, his job, his martial arts classes. He works hard (as do I) but he has a 2 hour commute so he’s gone at least 11 hours door to door each day. Last year he started taking karate 3 nights/week so now he’s gone even longer. Literally walks in, asks what’s for dinner and goes to bed most of the time.

I scour the yard for poop every other day, without assistance. If I miss a spot, he screams for me to come get it immediately. Literally did this recently when a friend was visiting. Like wtf, is it really a dog poop emergency that I need to stop my conversation w a friend I haven’t seen in 6 months to clean an obscure corner of the yard??

Same with the cat’s box. He’ll scream for me to come and “help”, even though it’s literally his job bc I’m not supposed to go near it. When it was my job I never asked for help let alone screamed for it like shit was raining from the sky. And the help he’s requesting is for me to stand at the ready (out of his way, waiting for him to finish scooping, bc if I get in the way forget about it) and IMMEDIATELY sweep any wayward litter. The other day I was eating dinner and he screams COME HELP ME (with an attitude no less). Bc he dropped a hanger between the wall and washer while doing his laundry and needed “help”??? In the past I’ve commented, this is not a 2 person job or asked when is the last time I SCREAMED for you to come and help me with ANYTHING??? To which he at least admitted hmmm never.

So 2 nights ago we went to bed angry, I intentionally slept in and went to bed early after his only text to me all day (after leaving me a sink full of dirty dishes in the morning) was to “put something in the fridge” for him. He firmly believes in skipping past apologies of any kind and just pretending it never happened. then this morning he left for work and again I stayed in bed. I’m not even sure if I miss the contact yet. It’s been almost 48 hours since someone made me feel bad about myself.

I’m 15w and I’d like to think we can get past this bc it’s such stupidity, not like cheating or drug problems. But at the same time his behavior is so unlikely to change and I will not raise my son to think how he treats me is ok, like some kind of underqualified personal assistant.

I’m a fairly accomplished woman, with multiple college degrees and I literally get more respect from most strangers than I do from my husband. A few of my male friends gush over how fantastic their wives are at their jobs or motherhood or anything and I just don’t think he sees me that way even though he absolutely should.

He just texted asking how I’m feeling? Bc clearly my pregnancy must be the problem right? Asshole. I don’t want to make things worse, but I don’t want to live this way anymore.

UPDATE

we spoke today mostly via text. He wants to work on things but at the same time immediately turns things around on me. Said that he yells at me to help bc it frustrates him if he sees me “just sitting there” while he cleans the cats box. I suppose I can turn the tv off and go hide or do dishes when he starts scooping but it just seems crazy to me right? I’m not supposed to do it! I don’t make him do something “useful” while I clean up after TWO dogs that poop the entire cats weight on a daily basis.

I do feel like it will be the same when the baby comes, that he’s more likely to just announce to me that the baby is crying or has a dirty diaper than take action. He also said I degrade him and make him feel like an idiot all the time. I try to minimize my comments even though he does boneheaded things on a daily basis, but whatever. He’s a backseat driver and comments on my driving constantly while touting himself as gods gift to cars. He sideswiped a fence AND my car a few years ago. So yes, I’ve brought that up in direct response to his I’m the greatest driver in the world routine. Bc he literally blamed him hitting my parked car on how I had parked my car “in his way”. To reiterate, he hit STATIONARY OBJECTS ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION and then blamed me.

But I stopped bringing that up years ago so who knows what his issue is now. Maybe that he likes to build things with no measurements or advance plan and then I tell him it’s no good and it has to be redone. We’re building a 200k addition to our house right now and he decided one day to frame the steps himself (no measurements). Aside from the random step heights being a trip hazard it’s literally the first thing you see when you walk in and it looked awful. He knows best though.

He doesn’t listen to me about anything and if I push too hard to make him listen he tells me to shut up and stop being a bitch.

But for starters one valid point he had is that I basically recoil when he touches me. That’s a mix of how much I want to punch him in the face sometimes and his incessant need to lick my face rather than kiss and grope my nipples and breasts rather than hug. He’s going to work on that. I don’t even know how to explain what he does. I have 36G/H breasts, and at home frequently don’t wear a bra. Picture a squeeze/lift and drop of what feels like 10lbs of breast tissue and really sore nipples. There’s nothing sexy or affectionate about it, it’s more of an assault really, like one of my boobs just jumped on a trampoline without a sports bra. And he thinks it’s fun? Hot? Loving? I married a fucking 10 year old.

So yea, that’s my marriage.