Feeling disappointed

I had preterm labor and miscarriage 2 months ago at 20 weeks. This was our 2nd miscarriage, the first one happened exactly 6 months ago at 18 weeks. Doctors haven’t been able to find out why it happened. I have had regular periods through out my life and I lead an active lifestyle. Doctors ran a plethora of tests but still couldn’t find anything.

It feels so unfair that my body recovered and has sprung back to normal after two massive disasters !!

We started trying in the current cycle, yesterday I took pregnancy test a day early to my expected period, got a faint positive. I thought things are going to get better but got my period in the evening.

I’m feeling such hopelessness. I will turn 38 years old in May. I don’t know if I ever will be able to become a parent. I marvel at how life could be so unfair. It’s the 10th year of our marriage and the worst year of our life so far !!