So I’ve thought a lot about this and think I’ve finally realized why I don’t have a connection with my unborn son yet.

Just for some background, I’m 27 years old, married for almost a year but been with him for 5 years and successful in my career. Before getting pregnant, I was dying to get pregnant. I thought it would take me longer because it was taking some of my other friends longer to get pregnant but we got our BFP the second month of trying. I’m 23 weeks pregnant now, I feel him move and kick I’ve seen him grow from literally nothing to the grown baby he is now. Yet I still cannot feel the connection I see other women feel. I look at my body changing and I am horrified rather than amazed. When he kicks me at night I’m annoyed because he’s keeping me from sleeping and I wake up early for work. I think about all the things I won’t be able to do anymore professionally because it’ll be harder to go back to get my masters or work extra jobs like I normally do. Sex is more difficult, climbing stairs is more difficult. Overall I feel INCREDIBLY guilty for feeling this way. On the other hand I stress about being a good mom and how I can raise him to be respectful of women and self sufficient.

I realize that the reason I feel these ways is because I’ve always associated my identity with a professional and a hustler and sexy and now I’ll have to give up part of that identity because now I’ll be a mommy. What gets to me is that not ONE of my mommy girlfriends say they have ever felt this way. Am I a monster? I think I just need to adjust to the idea of being a mom.

Wanted to post this in case anyone else feels like this and just to say I’ve come to realize what is holding me back from connecting with baby.