So this is going to be a crazy story. My husband and I have been together since I was 15, him 17. We dated for 4 years, and have been married for almost 3. For the first 5 years, yes.. 5 years. He was cheating. Not with one girl, no sex, never even met up with them. It was all over text, and Facebook. We hated eachother, but couldn’t let go. I never cheated, but I was a bitch to him. Each time he would “swear” he was done and would Change but didn’t. He would watch porn knowing I felt as if it was cheating. He was incredibly selfish. But nonetheless, I was blind. We had 3 kids together. Our second passed away, and our last is now 3 months old.

The past 3 months we have been doing good, going to counseling, working on everything. But he messed up. He looked at porn again, in that moment I decided I was done. I started to plan my life without him, since I’ve been a stay at home mom and rely on him.

3 days later (last night) he found something and he was completely mature about it, and asked if I was cheating. I’m going through a miscarriage and was completely emotional and said yes. I made up a whole story guys. I felt HORRIBLE. But I felt that if he thought I cheated, he would just leave and it would be okay. I wouldn’t have to hear him get mad about me leaving because he would want to go. I know, it doesn’t make sense.

So we talked for about an hour. Surprisingly he was very calm but I could tell he was hurt. He said he wants to end our marriage in the best way possible so we could still parent. He said he deserved it, and that killed me. I told him okay and he went into the other room where I heard him quietly crying..

I know what you are thinking. That we are dis functional, unhealthy, i was being a total bitch, and you’re right.

Anyways, about 30 minutes later he comes into the room and hugs me. He says “I know we are over, but I want to tell you that I deserved this. I can’t believe this is how I made you feel over and over. I can’t believe I didn’t see how hurt you were each time. I can feel my heart breaking but I can’t even be mad. I’m so sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry for all the girls, all the things I said. All the times I watched porn just to hurt you because I was selfish. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. This hurts so bad but you know what they say, you don’t realize what you have til it’s gone. I want you to leave, go be with him because he won’t hurt you. I’m so sorry it took so many years for me to grow up. I wish we met later in life, so I could show you who I am. But I will support you no matter what you do. I love you. I hope one day you can forgive me and we can be friends.” With that, he kissed my head and started to walk out with tears running down his face. He grabbed the suitcase out of the closet and began packing in the other room. I walked in quietly so he couldn’t see me and I heard him whispering to himself “how could you do this to her” “how didn’t you see the pain” things like that.

That’s when I told him the truth. Why I lied.. and ladies, I expected him to get mad and leave. But instead he jumped into my arms and sobbed repeatedly saying sorry. For once, I felt emotion from him. I seen the guy I fell for years ago. We then talked for hours and for the first time in months we actually talked about all of our problems without a fight. We decided to go to church, go to counseling separate as well as together, and be more like a family.

My “cheating” saved my marriage and I’m grateful for it. I know it was petty and stupid of me but I don’t regret it

I know it’s easy to say once a cheater always a cheater, and obviously if he does it again I will be completely done. But, when he cheated, we were in such a bad place. It wasn’t like 5 years straight, he would go months in between and wouldn’t talk to the girls long (I know, it doesn’t make it better) but we hated eachother. He didn’t care. He didn’t love me, I didn’t love him. We were just scared to leave. I can only hope for the best from him. Hope that he becomes the man he wants to be. Hope he realizes what I’m worth. But when I looked into his eyes, I seen something I’ve never seen before. I seen love.