What do I say to my MIL ?

Question

So about a month ago my fiancé cut off his mom because she was being really disrespectful about him and i’s relationship and our life choices. Yesterday she messages him saying that she loves him but is disappointed with the choices he’s made and wants better for him. She also tried to say “she’s making you not have a relationship with your family” which I have NEVER wanted. Family is very important to me. All I ever wanted was to be respected and I definitely only want the best for my fiancé and my child on the way. Right now he has a good stable job, we have a good amount of money, and we are very very happy together. So what more could she want for him? I take care of her son and love him with my whole heart! And she wants better for him? What is better? When she called my fiancé she asked when we think the baby is gonna be born (obviously I can’t tell you that) because she wants to be there for the birth but she knows she’s not welcome. Which again no one has ever said. I just don’t feel comfortable with her being there (which I’ve only told my fiancé) I feel like if she was there I’d have to bite my tongue, and hand her my child and that makes me cringe!! My step mom said I should say something to her before the baby gets here, about how I want a relationship with her but I want to be respected first. My biggest fear is that my daughter gets older and hears her grandma talking bad about her mother. What should I say? I don’t want to be mean or rude.

Answer

Talk to her. Or cut her out of your life. But don’t avoid the issues.

Answer

I agree with the first comment. You should talk with her. Or let it go. But whatever choice you make you should stick with. 
Just from experience if you want to talk to her, do it now before the baby. I had similar issues and it blew out of proportion after my daughter was here and I had to have a harsh convo with my future MIL. Things are somewhat better. We at least have a mutual understanding of respect. She knows respecting me as a mom at all times is a must

Answer

I don’t think it should be up to you to fix the relationship with your MIL that should be on your husband. He needs to put his mom in her place. 
My MIL use to try and step on my toes for everything until my husband told her enough was enough. Either she’s in or she’s out. And she tried to pull the stuff at delivery. “Call me when you’re a 6cm” and her and my husband got into it. And she was told not to even come if she wasn’t going to take a back seat.
But I think that’s up to your husband to handle, it’s his mom.

Answer

Your husband seems to know what your wishes are regarding the baby and your labor, so I'm sure he wont allow her to be there when the baby is born. Sounds like shes over stepping boundaries and either feels like she lost control of her son or it's a jealousy thing for her. Either way, she needs to grow up. She obviously has not learned her lesson from him cutting her out of yours and his life. If I was him, I would explain to her that she either needs to start respecting you as his wife or that she needs to stay out of his/your life.

Answer

Definitely talk to her. She needs to learn/know her place and role in your child and families life. She needs to know that even if she has ill feelings towards you she still needs to respect you and if you ever hear her talking bad about you to your child she’s not aloud to see her. I’d be very open and blunt about it. Especially if she’s been rude about things now

Answer

If you want a relationship with her, you need to speak up so you can define what that relationship is, because otherwise she’s NOT going to change. And she might not change anyway! You may need to just cut her out of your life.

Answer

Better create some boundaries now. Or you will have a long annoying road ahead of you. Nip it now. Tell her respectfully that you will only have your husband in the delivery room and that you wont be having visitors until you are ready. I didn’t have visitors until a month and a half post partum.

Answer

We have serious issues with my MIL and SIL, and the most important thing I've learned is you and your husband need to be on the same page at all times. If you and you're husband decide that until she can learn to respect you then she'll have no business being apart of your families lives (you, your husband and unborn child) when she can learn how to accept the fact that he chose you and loves you and respect you then you can revisit the relationship but until then dont project yourself and your baby to that negativity. I know it sucks to feel so judged especially when the people judging dont know you at all, but as long as you and your husband are on the same page nothing else matters.

What do I say to my MIL ?

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