Don't judge me

At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic. Does anyone else have a hard time not drinking during your tww? When I was pregnant I had absolutely no problem refraining from alcohol, I didn't even think about it. But I've been TTC for so long and the I don't know why I want to drink more during my tww. Like I normally only have one or two drinks a week but I get the urge to drink every night when I'm waiting. I feel like I just know I'm not going to be pregnant and I feel like im waisting my time