I had only gotten off my mini pill two weeks previous. I knew I was supposed to be ovulating that night. And during and after intercourse, I felt an unbearable pain. I was nauseous, shaking, and nothing seemed to eliviate it. Husband rushed me to emerg, leaving the baby monitor with my parents upstairs. I had no idea I was already pregnant until the doctor came in with an ultrasound machine. And before I could even take a breath and let it sink in, he said it was likely ectopic. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. I knew that there was no saving my baby if it was true. The nurses consoled me as best they could but I knew what was coming.

Ultrasounds, blood tests and a chat with the gyno on call that I may lose my right tube if she couldn't save it, I was heading into surgery at 3am. When I woke up at 8am, my mom was coming in to switch places with my husband. The doc said that they werent sure if what they removed from my right tube was the baby or something else. (Cyst or some other blockage)

I've been waiting for a call, for anything. My whole life, my time of mourning or celebrating, feels likes its on hold.

My MIL doesnt understand that I don't want to talk about it, and is getting offended that I won't talk to her. I don't want to talk, I want a distraction from it. My own mother knows to let me bring it up on my own. I don't want to be coddled like a child, I want to focus on my son and our upcoming Christmas vacation. I can grieve when I know.