Complicated life

Okay ladies this is gonna be long and confusing.. I’m sure I’ll get judgement because if I was on the other side I’d probably judge too🙃 I was with my SO for 5.5 years. We have two beautiful kids together age 3 and 7months. He had a drug issue that led us to separate in late September. He went to rehab to change himself. & I got with another man in October who I felt like all that I have ever wanted. Goal oriented, has job, family man, funny, etc. I learned to laugh again. We fell for each other rather quick! (I never expected to be with anyone else besides me previous SO) things were good. Then I got pregnant and he’s over the freaking moon excited.. & I’m just not how I was with either of my previous pregnancies. My ex and I have been coparenting PERFECTLY! He’s changed so much, all the stuff that I used to BEG him to do, he does without even being questioned. He made his kids his first priority and is getting himself situated. I still have strong feelings for him and just watching him finally change into the man I tried so hard for him to become has me in tears. I’m so proud of him. He thinks this baby is his but there’s not even a chance of that.. My current boyfriend lives with me and takes these kids as his own. I just have no clue what to do or what I want. I feel like I’m just breaking everyone around me... I think of this innocent child inside me.. either way one of my kids are not gonna have their parents together and that crushes me. I hate myself for it... I know I have to make the decision for myself. I probably sound like such a horrible person.. if anyone imagined themselves in my shoes what would you do or what would your next step be..