I found my boyfriend of 3 years & my baby father
I found my boyfriend of 3 years & my baby father (same person) messaging some girl with both went to high school with.
Within the last year, which has been our hardest with the birth of our child and hormones and loss of communication, we both had been in a place of whether or not we should be together. But in order to still be a family for our son, we stuck with it and managed to work through some of our issues.
On December 4th, 2018 (our son’s first birthday) I was up around 12 am just watching tv in our room. I see his phone but I think nothing of it. I casually go thru his phone and I see her name in the messages. He would talk about her but since we both knew her from high school I thought nothing of it but it did bug me about how much information he knew of her. So I grew into some suspicion months prior so this was like putting pieces together. I saw an unread message but I didn’t want to be “caught”. So I proceeded with Snapchat. AGAIN. I saw her but this time is where my heart dropped. I began shaking and hyperventilating. They were best friends on Snapchat and had a fire streak which means that they are constantly sending each other messages/pictures. I opened up her “file” and I was breathing heavy. What I saw literally burned my eyes into my head. She was sending him very explicit pictures in skimpy lingerie and he would compliment her on her body, saying she looked beautiful, calling each other babe, basically everything. It hurt so bad so I woke him up and kicked him out and made him sleep in the room.
I still love this man, I know what he did was wrong but I don’t know where to go from here. He tells me he wants to start all over and he’s very sorry for what he didn’t. The wounds are still raw and I’m working on trying to be strong for my son. But I really don’t know how to feel. I’m now insecure about my body because mine didn’t look like hers, the word “babe” feels dirty coming out of my mouth because they called each other that, and now I can’t feel like I can kiss him because even though he didn’t physically cheat on me, he was appreciating her over me.
I just feel so lost