I dont know where/who to turn to😞

This is gonna be pretty long so bare with me please.

Last night I woke up to my boyfriend masturbating beside me on his side turned away from me. When he realized I had woken up he immediately locked his phone and acted as if he had been asleep the whole time. I’m sure he was hoping I didnt catch him. I just shook it off. I dont care if he masturbates, I do too. As long as our sex life is still good and he is being faithful to me. What has me worried is the type of porn he was watching... All I ever asked of him was to not let me know WHEN he was watching porn or WHAT he was watching. I went to open his browser to look something up something on his phone and he had left his porn windows open. He had been watching transgender porn and also traditional m/f porn.

What really bothers me so bad is that a few months ago I caught him sexting a transgender on kik. I was very hurt and I let him know that I was absolutely not okay with it and I viewed it as cheating. He was very embarrassed that I had discovered his “fetish” I guess you’d call it. The only reason I forgave him is because he never met up with any of them which isn’t really much of a difference to me, betrayal is betrayal in my eyes. I sobbed in his arms as he told me that I was scaring him and that he loved me and didnt want to lose me. He swore to me he’d stop and so far that has been the truth. I asked him if he was gay or bi and he told me no that he knows he could never go through with it. I love him very much but honestly I’ve had some thoughts of leaving him because I still haven’t gotten over it or fully forgave him this happened in September.. sometimes these things haunt my memories especially if I dont keep myself busy or I will completely shut down in depression. My anxiety has never been so bad. Whenever these thoughts enter my mind I immediately get sick to my stomach, feel super uneasy, and get chills while I’m lying there shaking under the blankets. I’m to the point of seeking professional help to get over this. It all just has me so confused and I dont wanna open up to anyone I know about it. It’s so embarrassing for me and that I’m going though this. I dont know what to do anymore.

If you read the full thing thank you. Any advice is appreciated.

*Sidenote* transgender females. Pre-op