Im Ruining My Own Marriage

Me and my husband have been married for 9 months now. Weve gotten in multiple fights thatve almost lead us to divorce and honestly, we got married too soon. Normally i only feel hopeless during fights but recently its become a common thought. Weve been sexually open for awhile and have had threesomes that have never progressed past oral. It never got to either of us. Recently he sent photos of both me and him, to an ex of his. We resolved and tried moving past. A friend of ours had a tinder and we decided to try it. I had countless men and he had no women. He felt bad because he "cant imagine not having me. I had so many options and have never taken them, yet when he had the option, he did.". We both kept out tinders and shortly after i started talking to a guy and discussed a threeway. We all agreed and he cane over. I had only had sex with a man i was with for three years who emotionally and sexually abused me, and my husband now. Well, we had sex. It was horrible. I hated it and have felt disgusting since. My husband never got upset and thinks were fine but im not. Im sickened by myself. I cant believe i actually had sex with him. I feel like a nightmare i cant wake up from. I cant kept but thinking of how sad and angry i am at myself. I want to get a divorce and live alone again. Im so unhappy. Weve been fighting daily. All i do is cook and clean and he never helps. But honestly, none of this is on him. I feel so messed up that i want to just be alone. Completely alone. I dont ever want him to touch me again. Or anyone for that matter. I wanna crawl out of my own skin. I dont know what to do anymore. What is wrong with me?