just don't know what to do...

maybe this is just a "rough patch" but, honestly, it feels like the entire relationship has been one bug "rough patch". We've been together a few years now, have kids from other relationships. Things have never been great between us and seem to only go down hill as time goes on. We fight alot less but, it's mostly just because, I don't care enough to do it anymore. He'll only work on things for a while (2 months) then falls right back to his selfish, pouty ways. I feel like he drains the life out of me. I love his kids and mine love him so on so forth. I just don't know that I love him. I have love for him I'm just really not attracted to him anymore. I feel like he's just a sad roommate. Sex was never great and it's dwindled on his part, till now we don't even try. He sleeps on the couch most night. He says it helps with back pain and honestly, I prefer him sleep on the couch anymore. I can't talk to him about things . He doesn't act like he cares about what's going on in my life, not in person at least. He can text support but, I see the disinterest in person, like his issues are the only ones that matter . I've almost left him before, in the spring, for these very things and he convinced me to stay and give him another shot. Now I just don't know what to do. I feel like I just need to survive the holidays for the kid's sakes but, also like that is a terrible way to feel. I kinda feel like I should just stay bc, starting over might not be any better and honestly, I don't want to date anymore. I'm in my mid 30s and feel like I'm 30 years older than I am and I really believe it's him sucking the life out of me.I know this is a toxic situation but, it's just not so easy to walk away from the kids like that or to seperate them when they've grown so close over the years. I'm just so lost and down and needed to vent.

Natasha, we've already been to counseling. He worked on things for a few months then fell right back into his old habits. I try to talk to him calmly but, he can't help but, get defensive and loud which is one of the main things the counselor saw as an issue between us. He deliberately says mean things about me rather than confront his own issues. After a day or so he apologizes but, he never really changes anything for long. I know this is just who he is and he's not going to change much from it. I'm just scared of starting over, too miserable to think I should stay and too lonely to fight it all.