I’ve been missing a lot of things lately.

I miss how I imagined my life with T, that I hoped for a future with him and spent a year wasting time on him. I miss how happy I was with him. I miss knowing I was the only girl he was interested in. Man I was so in love with him, I gave my all to him.

I miss being happy. I miss thinking that I was going to be successful soon after graduating from college. I miss how happy I was in high school. I miss the sports I played.

I miss my freedom, I have so many responsibilities. I’m 23, live with my parents (cause they’ll kind of disown me if I decide to leave— like my brother) and they just want to know every single movement I make. It’s annoying. I miss my alone time.

I miss feeling skinnier and healthier vs the slob I am right now.

I miss my grandmother who died almost 5 years ago. She was my best friend and I think of her literally every day. I miss everything about her.

I miss the friendships I had. Some of them were my decisions, some weren’t— but I wish it never had to come down to anyone making a decision.

I just miss my old life, so much. I feel so stuck and that it’s never going to get better, and I’m stuck in this black hole and my life will stay as is and won’t progress.