I am doing okay but

I just lost our first at 10 wks, and I was doing great for awhile I shed my tears and was good. After finding out the chromosome issues I found it easier to cope. But now with the holidays shopping for my nieces and nephews it’s just making it even harder to be okay. I just keep looking at the baby stuff that I should be needing if I was pregnant, people asking me what do I want for Christmas and all I can think of is the baby I wanted and the stuff I would have needed through out the pregnancy and for our future baby leaving with don’t even know. And it’s not about the stuff I can careless about stuff so please don’t think that it’s about now having to shift all the excitement I had and finding another spark and getting over it. I can’t wait till we try again and end up pregnant again but wow I can’t believe how sad it makes me. Even seeing succulents and VW bugs makes me sad .. why? Cause stupid me planned the nursery and now just can’t even look at the extra room the same. To cope I literally started planning all these trips and bucket list things from snowboarding to going traveling to oregano and Virginia to learning pottery and guitar I just need to fill up my calendar so I can stop counting down the days till we can try again