My heart says i wont be joining all of you in August

I posted before about a possible partial molar pregnancy (too many chromosomes because 2 sperm fertilise 1 egg and its not viable)

I saw my dr who has referred me to the early pregnancy clinic at the major hospital for christmas eve at 3.30pm. I need to see the head obs and have a scan to determine if it is indeed a molar.

The scan results from the 17th say my endometrium is abnormally thick (24mm) and there is small cystic spaces. Thats textbook for a molar.

My hcg levels though are normal (not a sign of molar), my thyroid function is good and my blood pressure is good. All good signs. My baby has a heart beat (a strong one) and is growing. Im trying to be optimistic here but my heart says this will end in a flood of tears and a d&c on christmas eve.

Please pray for me and my baby. If he or she is destined to be in Heaven then it is what it is but pray that ill be strong enough to go though this. Up until now, ive had 5 healthy pregnancies and have 5 healthy children i am so blessed but i have never ever suffered from a loss and something tells me my luck has run out. This is the hardest most awful fucking thing I've ever gone through