The holidays are hard...

Hello,

I have been in an abusive relationship for a couple years. Two nights ago, while I was asleep, my boyfriend was drunk and took my car, thinking I wouldn't notice. When he came back I scolded him saying how wrong that is, being drunk and endangering people while also lying to me. He got really angry that I was telling him this and he got violent with me.

When he has an outburst like this he always leaves that night and stays with him family for days or weeks, not contacting me at all. I think this is especially hard because I don't have much family, my parents were abusive to me growing up. It sounds ridiculous but the loneliness and the bruising from that night are making this one of the worst holidays I've ever had.

I'm trying to keep my head up and forget about it. But I know he's warm, with his family, not stressing about what he's done. While I'm alone, and confused, and in pain. I tried to find support groups in my area but I'm not having any luck. I just need to talk to someone who understands. My friends all don't want to hear it because they are upset I didn't leave. But I don't have any support system, and so much student debt.

On top of this I had a miscarriage a couple months ago, and I know my boyfriend is the only person who shares that pain with me and makes me feel better about it. And now I have no one and I feel just awful.

I'm 26, I know life can get better. I'm definitely depressed. The more people I meet, the more alone I feel. Most people I find are shallow and don't care to really let someone get to know them. I just need a friend in this.

Thank you for reading, if you did.