I’ve started to notice how I don’t show much affection, love, etc towards people in my life. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just literally don’t know how if that makes sense??? I also have a hard time bonding or being close with literally anyone, including family.

I’ve always been the “black sheep” of the family. I’m the one that gets the least attention unless it’s to be made fun, called names, blamed for things, yelled at, etc. It’s been that way for literally as long as I can remember (I’m 17). I’ve always been treated unfair while my older sister in the other hang gets treated like a princess (which is LITERALLY her nickname and mine is just ‘Bri’ for Brianna). So I guess you can say my childhood was a bit rough considering how i was/still is being treated.

I literally never have and still don’t have a bond with my mom. I know some people can tell their moms anything and vise versa and just genuinely get a long with their mothers and have a good bond. But mine and my mom relationship it different. It’s mostly silent between us. I never share things with her and If I do, she usually ignores me and doesn’t seem to care or yell at me. I just feel like I’ll get punished or judged if I tell her anything.

She’s the total opposite with my sister. They can talk about literally anything. My sister tells my mom things and vise versa.

I literally don’t have a good bond with anyone and I really don’t mean not to. Like I wish I had a good bond with my mom and sister.

My family calls me a bitch all the time because I’m always silent or keep to myself. But like why would I open up to them if they treat me bad??? Idk I’ve always considered myself independent and like to keep to myself and be alone most of the time.

But every time I get into a relationship (which isn’t much) they complain that I never show enough affection or show that I love and care for them. But like I literally do?? Or at least I think I do and I don’t?? Idk I was never shown any of that.

I don’t want to be one of those people that blame their problems on their bad childhood or trauma but idk.