this is going to be long.

i was dating this boy. im 14, he’s 14. he was a terrifying 6’2” strong ass male, and i’m a 5’4” weak ass female. it was in may of 2018. we were together, not officially, but (i thought, not totally sure) we were exclusive. no one but my best friend knew about us because i dated his best friend and he didn’t want that drama. we dated once before then, but then we broke up because i was going through some shit and couldn’t deal with dating at that point in time. i was still going through all that bs but i (thought i) loved him so i was willing to get back with him. as you know, i had to hide it so that was really difficult and ruined my self esteem. anyways, one morning before school (we skated to school together) he was at my house while my parents weren’t home (as stupid teenagers do), and i was slightly tipsy, because i’m a stupid teenager, and i definitely didn’t want to have sexual interactions with him. he did, because he’s a horny asshole, and i kept saying no when he asked if he could finger me cuz fuck that shit, but eventually he stopped asking and started doing. he pushed me down on my bed, made me take my hoodie off, all the while i just lay there terrified at what was gonna happen. he then stood me up and ripped my pants off while i held my underwear up because that’s all i could do. he pushed me back down on my bed and started fingering me while my vagina was bone dry so it hurt like hell. he wanted to have sex with me and i didn’t know what to say so i quietly said no and then he got annoyed and i said at least use a condom so i got one and checked the time and used the excuse that we had to leave to stop him from taking my virginity and raping me. we left, and skated to school, when i fell, he didn’t even turn back. i broke up with him a little while later because i couldn’t stand the sight of him.

i need advice, because i don’t know what to feel. i blocked his number and all his social media except i created a spam acc on insta and he requested to follow it. i don’t know what to do. i want to accept it just to see what he says, but i also don’t want to because i’m scared.

HELP !

thanks guys.

**update**

my parents do know.