I delivered my baby 5 months ago and now currently 15 weeks pregnant. I feel extremely insecure about my body, I’m still 20 pounds above my pre pregnancy weight

I’ve been very strict with myself, almost in a disorderly way. I’ve managed to lose a few pounds instead of gain

I feel like I can’t stop this

In my head I’m trying to make up for the weight gained in my previous pregnancy.

Right as of now I plan to maintain my weight until the end. I know this can’t be healthy for the baby and I feel horrible for this. I feel like I can’t stop this. Im worried my baby will suffer. I don’t know what to do

Any advice please???