I am posting in Glow in search of support on something I have been struggling with for several months. It is not something my SO is comfortable discussing so I have turned to the ladies of Glow. In July 2018 I discovered I was pregnant. I had HCG draws and ultrasounds to follow my pregnancy as I had 2 previous chemical pregnancies. At the start of my pregnancy my levels were not doubling which concerned the OB and then, thankfully began to triple days later. All was looking up. According to ultrasounds I was expecting 1 healthy baby with a healthy heart rate and great development. Beginning in early august I started to spot tan on and off and called my OB who wasn't concerned. In late August at 9.5 weeks I began to spot red so I made my way into the ER and had a scan. The scan discovered I was carrying 9.5 week old, identical twins who appeared to be conjoined at the chest and abdomen. It is believed they shared a heart which stopped beating quite recently. I had heard the heartbeat on an at home doppler the day prior. In one night I discovered I was losing not only one but two. How could this be when I heard a heartbeat just one day ago. My heart was empty and shattered. I felt numb. Days later I had a follow up ultrasound and D&C. As the months passed I improved but I still have moments where I can't keep the tears back. The grief returns and I can't hide the pain. Does this lingering feeling ever go away or is it something I will always feel? I haven't tried to conceive since as me and my SO decided we were not ready. I am posting in search of some advice on mental recovery and support on this loss. Its been close to 5 months and I still feel the effects of this. I am worried I will not be able to conceive again since I had a C section with my daughter in 2015 followed by a D&C in 2018. So many worries and stresses and my heart feel heavy. I just needed to let this out. Today I tried to speak to my SO and he said it wasn't healthy to bring the topic up months or years later. I feel he is still struggling though I need to talk to vent my feelings out. Losing my twins was one of the hardest events aside from losing my father in 2014. To you ladies who have experienced this I am truly sorry and i wish the best for you and pray you receive your miracle or rainbow child!