How can I ever forgive myself/get over falling for temptation. I’m not interested in sex or sexual relations. I am however interested in hugs, hand holding, and occasional pecks on the cheek or forehead. I am not a virgin but I’ve tasted that fruit and I don’t crave it. I’d like to think that my interest in sex will come back after I am married to my now long term bf. My bf used to be uninterested in sex but he claims something happened to him back in college and now he’s very interested in all sexual relations from oral to anal. He likes talking about it and doing it. In more than one occasion I have given into his desires even though I don’t want sex. I just kind of lay there and let him do his thing until he is finished. I’ve tried praying over him and banning him from my presence at night, and talking with him. But ultimately I continue to fail and fall back into letting him lead us to sin rather than me leading us both to righteousness. In the end I feel terrible and as though I’ve failed as a Christian and a woman. I’m stuck between having faith in my partner and protecting myself from lust. Any advice?

UPDATE: we are living separately and have made plans to continue living under separate roves. He responded well to that and was thankful that I took the Spiritual lead on this. So here we go