I want to have a meltdown

I want to scream and cry. I was to knock everything off the counters. I want to break everything in our fucking house if it’ll stop the heartbreak I feel. It’s a thing but it’s all because of him and his decisions. I can’t deal with this anymore . Leaving him did nothing but make the pain worse. I don’t know how to do this. I need it to all go away. I want my normal life back before I fell in love with him. I just want to stop crying. I want them to stop showing up in my dreams together and then him leaving me for her. How do I make this better