Need advice

So I’m 18.5 weeks pregnant with number two. I’m not excited. I wish I wasn’t pregnant. We were trying. When I got the positive test, I was so excited for 10 minutes, maybe 15. Since then I’ve regretted the decision.

Now my job has changed bc my previous department was re-purposed. I’m now hourly instead of salary. I lost a little pay. I lost all my flexibility. Other managers in the office have said they’d do what they could to get me back. One manager was so sure I was coming to her department, she let go her temp, but our CEO is determined that department has spare time and doesn’t need another person. Which just isn’t true. They’re slammed.

My son has a lesion on his arm we are trying to determine what it is. We have been two 3 doctors in as many months. We finally have a pediatric specialist we are working with and a scheduled MRI.

If my son needs surgery, this takes from my leave time that I will need when I have number two. My previous position would have allowed me to work from home during the time I may need off with my son. This job, not so much.

I’m also changing hours and trying to get scheduling to work with day care as my day care doesn’t open until after I have I be at work. My husband’s schedule is similar to mine. We don’t have people to come get kids at 6 in the morning to take to day care. We found a place but its super hard to get into. My work and my husband’s have given us temporary forgiveness on our start time, but this isn’t permanent.

I like the company I work for despite this downgrade in position. I love the manager of the department. I would be willing to leave, but I’m pregnant and it’s hard to find a job pregnant. Plus I’ve been looking for months (due to obvious writing on the wall) and nothing has come available in my area. I’m super grateful they were able to find a position for me without having to let me go.

That said. Maybe I love the new position. Maybe day care works out. I would take the new baby and my husband our toddler. I feel guilty that I don’t care the new baby would have to be at school at 6:30. I look at my toddler and feel like a bad mom for disrupting his morning routine.

Just need advice or encouragement or something. Thank you