Fuckit i need help

Ok let me explain i am a recovering anorexic and a recovering cutter i have been clean for 1.5 years now and i feel like i am falling agian and i cant grab on to anything i am trying to brace my self so my baby will be ok if i hit the ground but my world is once agian loseing colur i feel like shit about everything my anxity is back fearing everything. I suddenly want to go home to my mom and ask her to help me but that is not what adults do i dont feel like an adult i feel like i am 17 although i am 19. I want everything to stop for a min let me catch my breth my memory is bad agian i dont know what to do should i go to the er or call my mom what do i do