I can't cope

I really need help but I'm not sure... I've been having flashbacks so much more recently... It's got to the point where I'm dissacociating. I'm 20yrs old and I still self harm (been on and off since I was 14) .. thing is I don't even do it to feel control/better or feel numb... I just do it cause well I'm not even sure why . I'm kinda scared of how my trauma has affected me . This past weekend I nearly had a panic attack cause i needed to walk down some stairs (I got pulled up and pushed down the stairs during abuse) .. Seems like as time goes on my mind is getting worse . But I'm not sure . I'm sorry.