I'm shattered - affair

My heart broke today. I've never felt more pain in my life. I found out my husband has been having an affair for more than two years. TWO YEARS.

T W O. Y E A R S.

I saw him and a lady sitting in his car in a parking lot yesterday while I was out running errands. They weren't doing much at the time but she was showing him something on her chest and he ran his fingers through her hair.

I recognised her from his old place of work. He left there just under two years ago.

I confronted him about it and at first he denied denied denied but then I told him exactly where I saw them and he admitted everything.

He slept in the spare room last night, and wouldn't speak to me this morning until I said something. Then when I broke down he just got in his car and left for work.

We were TTC this whole time. He did NOTHING suspicious. Absolutely nothing. Didn't hang onto his phone, didn't change any passwords, didn't stay late from work, didn't act funny except for a bit of extra work stress. Literally ZERO signs of this. I even dug through his phone one or twice but there was nothing. No messages, no phone calls, no emails, no WhatsApps, her name isn't saved on his phone (luckily in their line of business their cellphone numbers are public so I could check). I have access to his personal Gmail and Facebook. He doesn't have other social media.

The worst part is when we first started dating when we were teenagers, 16 years ago, he broke up with me after a couple of weeks and I made out with the guy across the road afterwards. I was young, sad, vulnerable and I didn't tell him immediately after we got back together. He broke up with me twice after he found out but then we got together and stayed together, but he threw it in my face for YEARS. I mean literal years, about 6 years and I was too young to realise that when he took me back, it should have been unconditional.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know if he can change from this. I don't know if I can trust him. I know a lot of women are going to stay LEAVE but that's easier said than done.