Advice much appreciated...

Hi Everyone,

I feel so down right now. This group is always so supportive to everyone and now I am the one who really needs some advice.

I just need to understand what am I doing wrong with my life. Until I met my husband I was a completely different person: smart, open-minded, happy and so ambitious about life. Now I feel like the most worthless woman in the world.

We have been together for 3 years and I slowly started to turn my life around him, just as he wanted. I worked in the film industry so for me it was important to keep in touch with people, go to different networking events, etc. He didn’t support that and eventually every going out was banned. Well, by banned I mean that when I still went it ended up with a huge scandal. I quit work. Anyway, to cut the story short, he cut out all of my friends, calling them stupid, “not worth your time”, etc. He manipulated everything.

The worst part is, he doesn’t work, doesn’t help around the house, doesn’t support me with anything. He doesn’t have a hobby, doesn’t do sports or anything at all. It seemed fine at first , as he was quite young still, so I thought maybe after he graduates he will start doing something. But now for 2 years it’s just promises. I’m paying for everything, I try not to involve my parents but sometimes I have to.

After we had our son, things just got worse. I’m so tired of trying to manage everything and it feels like having two kids, but at least kids are mostly grateful for what you do for them. I stayed up all nights when our baby was ill or crying while he was always sleeping or playing video games. No help at all. I’m so exhausted. In the last 6 months I haven’t heard a kind word. Only emotional abuse. He could leave after an argument and come back in a few days while I was alone with a small child.

Now he left again and apparently he wants to show “how life will fuck me over without him” and that “you won’t find anyone who will want you with a child”. We haven’t spoken for two weeks. Today I had a call from his mother , explaining to me that I’m in the wrong and I should apologise and that I pushed too hard on him. Of course I DID! Because I didn’t want him to spend the rest of his life on the sofa with PS4, while I had to provide for the whole family. We had to hire a nanny so I could work again , because he is apparently “too busy” by staying at home all day and “it is a woman’s job to look after kids” . His mom also said that I am his wife so if he doesn’t want me to go somewhere or be friends with someone I have to listen to him. Another thing she said was : “good men get picked up very quickly”. That hurt me even more.

The story is too long and confusing and this isn’t even a 1/10 of it. He did many bad things. I wasn’t perfect too, but the only thing I blame myself for is for pushing him to do things and always wanting him to do more and be better. I didn’t see he wasn’t strong enough for that and his life goals were completely different.

I feel so down now and I don’t know what to do. I am so in love with him but I feel absolutely worthless and now that he left he tells his family how I am the one who kicked him out and I know he wants me to beg for him to come back. It’s very difficult for me to be alone, but I feel hurt as well. I’m so confused... some people say he’s just not ready for the family, and he will grow up and become an amazing man, because as a person/friend he’s kind, compassionate, etc, but I just don’t know if that will ever happen.

Do I go back to him? I do love him still, but my psychological state is very down low.

I’ve tried to be as straight forward as possible to get an objective advice, because I understand that every story has two sides and if he would be telling it I would be in the wrong. I am just tired of feeling guilty ALL THE TIME.

P.S. I forgot to tell, he’s hacked my phone and read all my conversations with friends, didn’t find anything that he could blame me for but still made me feel guilty for a few things like talking to school friends he doesn’t know🤦🏻‍♀️