Depressed

I’m so jealous of everyone that gets pregnant, I do not understand why the greatest gift hasn’t been easy to create with me, I don’t understand why it comes so easy for the ones who aren’t ready for a child or a child is the last thing on the mind but book it just happened for them, I plan and time every month since December 2017 and still every month I get disappointed with the same 26 ,27 day cycle that comes on time month after month, I’m starting to feel like I have no purpose, my only desire in life is to give what I never had to love like I never was to be better then the parents I had and I am so sad because i will never be able to give that to a child no one to depend on me, I have no fight I feel like I’m worthless.