My due date was August 7th this year but I just had a miscarriage a few days ago at 11 weeks 3 days. Physically, it was the worst pain in my life. But it was over in 6 hours. Emotionally, it’s another story. Although I don’t cry all day anymore, I always feel sad deep down and feel like there’s something missing. It’s the feeling that no one understands unless they’ve been through the same experience.

I wish I could be looking forward to meeting my baby in six months. My birthday is in August. This baby would be my birthday present. This year is my and my husband’s 10th year anniversary, the baby would also be our anniversary gift. 2019 was supposed to be one of the best years in my life. 😔

It all happened so quickly. I was a pregnant woman for almost 3 months and now suddenly, I’m back to this point again where I have to keep wondering if I’ll ever have another baby to be a best friend for life for my son. But this time, there’s also fear added to the stress... what if I fail again.... how can I handle another miscarriage..... Deep down, I just feel like crying all the time... More than anything, I miss what would be my baby... although it may have never existed because I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum (empty sac with no fetus)...

It hurts when people say it’s just a blighted ovum or what happened isn’t really a miscarriage. I feel just as hurt as someone else who loses their pregnancy. I had a name picked for the baby and had always had this picture in my head of my son holding his baby sibling ... that should happen in six months. But now I don’t know when it’s going to happen or if it ever will... 😔

I miss being pregnant. I miss being excited. I miss looking forward to August. I miss recording my pregnancy symptoms. I miss being in the August 2019 babies group.... I wish I didn’t miscarry... I wish I was sharing an ultrasound scan of my baby in the group now instead of writing this sad post. But now I just have to accept the truth and move on... as hard as it is. It’s the only choice I have. 😔

Thank you for reading this. Nothing can take away the pain I have but I just wanted to be listened to by someone who understands it...