So this is a really strange post for me to write because my sex life used to be 100% perfect, we were into each other and had sex all the time.

we were long distance so we would go weeks without seeing each other and when we did, we just wanted to spend every second that we could together. but we wanted to go to college with each other so we would be closer and that’s when I started to feel like his interest waned a bit.

he is completely loyal to me, he wasn’t looking at anyone else or anything like that. we just stopped having sex as often. he claimed that it was because both had roommates and that was unpredictable, but even on nights when we knew that no one was going to be coming back home nothing would happen.

we’ve talked about it before several times but we never really seem to get down to the actual point. he said a few times that he felt pressured to have sex with me because of how into it I would be when we had time alone. he used to be excited by my desire, but now it made him uncomfortable and he didn’t feel like he could tell me no without hurting my feelings so he would just put on a show or something instead.

but honestly, it just hurt anyway. I would never want to force him to do anything, but it kinda made me upset that he never initiated anything himself when we had time alone. the problem here is that when we wouldn’t have sex for long periods of time, I would want to bring it up and communicate my feelings. but when I did, the pressure on him came back and he felt like he can’t just be around me casually without the lack of sex bothering me. he even said he felt like I was making sex feel like an obligation that he had to do no matter what, and that it took the excitement and fun out of it...granted we were in an argument at the time and he told me he didn’t mean for it to sound that harsh, but talk about a punch in the gut.

now we’ve been moved out of college for over a month now and haven’t had sex at all. i think that there’s still some unspoken tension there because neither of us wants to initiate either sex or a conversation due to fear of rejection or upsetting the other person, but this is just such a weird funk to be in.

beyond cuddles, nothing happens. I was a virgin when we met and even then we did more than we’re doing now.

that being said, we’re probably closer than we’ve ever been emotionally. we still joke with each other, we’re clingy, we do everything together. but it really gets to me that that closeness doesn’t translate to the bedroom. we’re companions in every way except this.

the entire thing makes me feel really undesired and shitty about myself, which sucks because he would never ever want me to feel that way. but when we talked about possible solutions to him being stressed out by the “obligation” of sex, he suggested that I just let him initiate.....and he hasn’t. I’m not sure what to do, but honestly I’ve just gotten into the habit of never even trying for anything. it just kind of seems like there’s no point. I hate being this depressed about something like sex, but I don’t feel like this is normal.

we have every level of intimacy except this, and it’s confusing. we’re a perfect couple in every way except this.

we’ve been together a few years so I’m not sure if I just wasn’t ready for a slowdown in sex, but we literally shower together and it’s like there’s no desire there anymore. I’m worried about talking about it again since me bringing it up all the time is what made him feel pressured in the first place.

it doesn’t help that when I vented all of this to a friend, he said that it sounds like we’re in a friendship instead of a relationship....he hasn’t been in long term relationships that existed beyond sex, but still. it hurt because it felt kind of true. but I know that when people start to slow down in a relationship, that’s usually when the deep companionship starts but like...we’re young and we should still be all over each other. I’m not sure what’s happening.

Any advice on how I could get over this/ communicate this without sounding pressure-y/ spice things up, or do literally anything to fix this? it’s not like the romance, love, or sweetness is gone, just the sex. I don’t know what to do anymore.