PLEASE READ THROUGH IT ALL!!! I REALLY NEED HELP

My boyfriend and I were together for 7 months. To start this all off we met at church camp, and hit it off. We started dating and learned a lot. I learned every girlfriend he’s ever had. Cheated His own father abused him. And he just wanted something serious. As did I..

One day in November I looked through his blocked accounts on Instagram after him liking multiple girls pictures, usually I wouldn’t care- but he told me when he’s in a relationship that he cuts ties w girls out of respect. No liking. No talking. Nothing. I didn’t ask him to- he said it was his own personal preference. So I thought it was odd, and my gut had an odd feeling.. so I went through his dms of blocked accounts Which were all girls... I found nudes from a girl. I found flirting. Him telling them about how awful I was and how he was “trapped”. It was with three girls (or so I thought at the time) I couldn’t break up with him... so I dug my feelings down. We cried and talked. And he said he wouldn’t do it again...

Fast forward to early this month... we went out to a movie. And he got s text. It was from a girl named hunter. And I said whatever. Then she started spamming him. And our agreement when I first found out ab the other girls- you hand me your phone when I feel needed So I took it midmovie and searched through. They were flirting. He’s 18. She’s 15.

So after the movie I walked out. Had him drop me off at a gas station and called my mom crying for a ride home. She tore into him when she saw him... I FaceTimed him crying because I love him and felt so betrayed... and I heard a Snapchat notification. So I got mad and said what. Another girl. And I logged into the snap I had a password for. And nothing.. he hung up. Next morning I texted him and said I won’t be mad. But do you have a second Snapchat. He said yes. I said I want the password to it now. He gave it. I searched through, over 20 girls on that Snapchat.. I snapped the one he talked to the most and said he was taken and want to know how they met. She said tinder... I asked him ab it. He sent me a screenshot of it. Over 40 matches.

I asked if it was only three girls the first time I found out. He said no.

Turned out he’s cheated w over 40 girls... since September. 4 months. Around 18 weeks when I found out.. over half of the relationship.

He said e gave me my promise ring out of guilt. He said he loved me still but he wanted out without getting hurt.

He asked for “girlfriend applications” on my grandfathers (who was like a father to me) 4th yr anniversary of his passing..

And again saying “I need a girl” with his promise ring in the picture. Early December. I went through his memories. Found ab pics. Found stories. Lipsi. Everything...

We broke up. I want to be with him again, but I know I can’t be. I’ll never be able to trust him again. I cant keep track on if he makes new accounts again. Anything. Nothing. I cant trust a person like this...

he cheated. Mentally. Verbally. An emotionally abused me for the entire relationship also..

calling me a whore. Cunt. Slut. Bitch. And said I was cheating on him if my shoulder showed or my knees.... I wasn’t allowed to talk to family. Or talk to friends.

So I know not only can I not be w him because of lack of trust but because of his abuse...

I need help moving on.. I need tips.. because I keep wanting to talk to him. Hug him. Call him. See or touch him again. I miss him. But i know better.. I just wanna forget ab it and move on... help..