I don’t know anymore

Who I’m becoming

It’s such a mystery

Because of all that’s happened

Has been so tragic

I can’t tell who I’ll be

In the future to come

I feel so much pain

I feel so much animosity

I hate that I feel like I can not reign from yesterday’s sorrows

I miss when my heart would smile at him

And when it did not feel like he took it to borrow

I hate him sometimes

Other times I forget long enough

To love him again

But I always come back here

To hating every cell that makes him

The thought of him misplaces my peace

And I don’t know when that will end

That’s why the future outcome of what it’ll be

Is so bleak

The pain is so bad

I lost a lot Spirit

I used to know God

Now I feel like I only know of God

The pain deserted me to my own island of darkness

With no connection to vitality

I died when he cheated

& God left the sight of me

I feel like when he let me down

So did God

Cause I use to pray against

These types of downfalls

& they still came tumbling down

I don’t know

If I hate him or love him

Maybe it’s the baby that makes me want to chance everything again

Cause if baby wasn’t here

I would be closing this book for the goodness of a painful end

I tend to tread

But growing our baby

Has me stuck in limbo

And I feel like a bimbo, for giving a guy who cheated numerous times another chance

I need a dunce hat, cause I am a fool doing a dangerous dance

I lost myself

I lost my spirit

I lost a lot of peace

It’s every day that I bleed

It’s every day that I suffer

I’m deeper already than six feet under