Going Insane 😩

Those of you who have the read The Love Languages and are acts of service people will understand this so much. I am the kind of person who has to have the house clean and nightly chores done before I can relax for the night.

Don’t get me wrong. My husband is wonderful and is an AMAZING dad to our 6 month old.

However... every time I leave him with the baby for any amount of time, I come home to a disaster. I went to a play with my mom last night and came home to a sleeping husband and baby... but dinner dishes still on the stove, milk still sitting out in a bottle, bottle parts not washed, dogs needing food and water, laundry needing switched out and folded, blankets all over and needed folded, on top of having to put my pump parts away and my milk away. I had to take the trash out as well and there were a bunch of boxes in the garage that needed breaking down for recycling. It took my 45 minutes to clean the house just from stuff he could have done throughout the night! 😩 And I had to get up for class this morning on top of that. After class, I get home with the baby and there are bottle parts still in the sink, a full dishwasher or clean dishes, and laundry. It is also wet and the floors need mopped because there are dog prints all over the floor 😭 it is stressing me out looking at them but I am at a loss looking around my house at all the crap that needs done.

During the week I feel so burnt out when I get home from work (I am a special education teacher and these winter months are HARD.) I have to put my pumped milk in bags, label and freeze them, wash my pump parts, wash bottles, wash my lunch containers, clean off the counter, make dinner, etc etc. When he gets home he gets to hop right in the shower and take his 20 minute poop, whatever... which used to be ok with me but now that our baby can roll all over he needs direct supervision and I just. Cannot. Get. Ahead.

I am at a loss because I have told him so many times how much it stresses me out to come home to such a huge list of things to do, and when he does help I praise him endlessly telling him how much I appreciate it. But when I ask for help he gets upset and I am the nagging wife that won’t “relax for two seconds.”

I know he means well and isn’t trying to make me mad... I don’t know if it is because acts of service is my love language but I just feel extremely under appreciated. I don’t think he realizes how hard it is to be a nursing mom and a special education teacher every day. I am starting to feel like I just want to stop nursing because not putting away milk and washing parts would take so much stress away each day 🙁 I wish my husband could just see that something needs to be done and do it so that I am not spending every free second that I have cleaning something.

Anyway... thanks for listening 🤷‍♀️