Disappointed in myself. Am I the only one?

Question

I’ve wanted a baby for as long as I can remember. Now that I’m pregnant, I haven’t felt the connection that I thought I would feel. I know I will when he/she is born for sure. Maybe even more when I know if it’s a he or she. All I’ve been thinking about is missing the way my life used to be. My husband and I are newly married, and only 24&25. We partied together with friends and family every weekend. We enjoyed wineries and sitting on the porch together after work enjoying a few beers. I’ve craved these moments more than anything. Why am I thinking so much about this and not enough about doing what I need to do for my child? I feel selfish. But I’m missing my life, I hate that I miss drinking, and just wanna get out of this funk 😞 when does the excitement start? I hope I can get some relatable feelings/comments on this rather than judgmental ones.

Answer

Oh friend, this is my 3rd baby & I still feel this way. And I'm 35 and I know what's comming and knew what I was getting into. Pregnancy can be really hard. I was just laying here thinking what you just wrote. My husband saw me sad and said, "What's wrong, babe?" And I said, "Oh you know, just the pregnancy blues. I miss our old life." And he knew exactly what I meant. 
You know what I miss? It might sound silly to some people, or trivial, but you know what I miss the most lately? Sitting on the back porch with my husband after the boys are tucked safe and warm in bed, dreaming sweet dreams. Enjoying a few drinks with my husband and the occasional smoke.  Getting a nice buzz and laughing when my husband makes funny faces and bad jokes cause he's tipsy too. Coming inside and watching the scariest horror movie we can find to rent on DISH (I don't really like horror movies when I'm pregnant lol) and getting so scared that I'm covering my eyes and laughing... and cuddling up with a fire and making some delicious tacos on taco night (for some reason tacos totally gross me out right now 😭). I miss those nights. Those nights with my husband are some of the best memories in my life. 😏 Heck, it's how we made this sweet little baby. ☺️ 
We get them back after every pregnancy but it's hard when you lose those little moments you love. It's depressing even if you know they're coming back someday. 
I'm here to tell you that they DO come back. You can keep what's important to you going. You can still have some drinks with friends and go to some parties here & there. You can still have a few beers with your husband on the porch. Of course your kids will need to be thought of first and taken care of, but believe me, you can still have fun in you life. This isn't the end. This is only the beginning. 😊
It's just the pregnancy journey that sucks alot of the time. It's not for everyone. Some people love being pregnant. I'm not one of those people. I'm more in love with the outcome, my beautiful babies. ❤️ 
Hang in there! You're not alone! The baby you hold in your arms when this part of the journey is all done will be well worth it!! You'll look back, and the long awful days will feel like they went by very fast.

Answer

You’re not alone. I’m thrilled to be pregnant, completely psyched to meet my little girl, but I’m also a crazy fun-loving adventurer and pregnancy isn’t what I’d call “fun.” Fascinating, exciting, scary, unique - pregnancy is all of these things. But I miss like hell the zany nights out that were never planned and always ended up with a story. I’ve been trying to reconcile my party-girl side with the new mom side. I’m not quite there yet, but perhaps that’s what these 9 months are for :) One tidbit: I’ve found that laughter is a great replacement for boozy nights out. Spend time with people who make you laugh, watch a hilarious movie, do something silly. Laughing has helped me a lot. Also, alcohol-free beer is actually pretty good!

Answer

I feel the same way every other day! I definitely have moments of excitement but they’re always sandwiches with sadness/loneliness/missing out. See, I’m 35 and have never been able to get pregnant when trying. Over the summer I kind of just accepted the fact that I would never be a mother and tried to get myself excited about living a “selfish” life. Vacationing, drinking, smoking, spending money on myself and being the world’s coolest aunt :) 
Then we went to Jamaica to reset, talk and sort of celebrate...and I came back knocked up!! 🙉😮😂 Lolol so don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade it for the world but I totally have those same feelings you do. Also, I don’t feel any movement yet and luckily don’t have many symptoms but that creates a disconnect - I just told my husband today that I need to feel something or hurry up and get a bigger belly because right now I just feel stretched out and uncomfortable with headaches. I just want to hurry up and hold my baby!!

Answer

I’m gonna be real, it doesn’t come back.  Unless you get a babysitter, you don’t get nights out or date nights.  Maybe it happens again once the kids are older, I don’t know because my son is only 10 months old.
Don’t feel guilty though, it’s a huge life changer (and this is what I wish young people ttc would realize).  And tbh it doesn’t get better, but once baby is born you’ll have this little human to love.  I never felt a “connection” either during the pregnancies, it happened after birth.  It’s pretty common.
Enjoy the time you have now without a baby.  You’ll sincerely miss it.

Answer

Girl I feel exactly the same way. I'm 15 weeks on Tuesday, but I miss my life before. I too wanted a baby more than anything, but I kinda gave up after six months of trying only to get the surprise of my life on my birthday (Christmas eve), a BFP my boyfriend made me take due to intense nausea.  
I've had my first ultrasound and heard the heart beat and it's not that I don't care about my baby or not want it, I just suddenly wish I had spent more time as a "young adult" (I'm 25). It's weird. But I talked to my auntie about it and she just told me the whole game changes when you actually see them in person once their born.

Answer

My sis was 19 when she had her baby. Didn’t feel connected until her daughter was at least 10. A little counseling would have done her some good, but she wasn’t in the right mindset or willing to go. 
Honestly, I’d go talk to someone about it.

Answer

Find ways to connect with your husband without alcohol. It sounds simple but when we're so used to it, it can be hard. Phocus on the quality time you still have left. Play a board game, sit of the porch with a different drink, go to new restaurants, go for a night walk, there's no reason that not drinking means your quality time with your husband should be over. I'm speaking from experience of having to learn this myself! Chin up!!

Answer

I can totally relate and I think it’s a normal feeling. You are grieving a part of your life that you know you won’t get back your youth. But everyone around you will also be growing up. It’s a new chapter and once baby is here it’s amazing. You cant believe how much you can love and care for a little person. Once the baby is here within time you will be able to have nights out again. But trust me you won’t want as many nights out etc you will enjoy family days etc instead. I also had this worry when pregnant with my first and I didn’t really feel a connection until the baby was born. Being honest I do still miss things like going to the cinema, going out for dinner at night, long lies etc. But it’s totally worth it so much that I am pregnant with my second baby. I now have worries like how will we get a babysitter for 2.

Answer

Hey dear,  I can't relate a whole lot but when I was pregnant with my first at 23. We wanted him more then anything and planned for him!  My husband an I where only married a year we had been together for 10 years but newly married.  I felt no connection to my baby at all and felt the same way.  I wasn't sure why something I wanted so bad could also make me feel so bad.  But once I found out the sex of my son it became a little more real for me and I did become excited!  The shopping started, the name process started,  and of course the nursery!!  We are pregnant with our second and I will be 25 in may and my husband is 26. All I can tell you dear is the connection will come try not to be so hard on yourself!  And once you have the baby do not feel bad what so ever to take some time for you and hubby!  It's important to remember self care as well as care for your relationship!  It makes for a healthy family life for all three of you!!  Keep your head up love you got this and maybe try talking to that sweet baby!  That helped me as well!  I also read a lot loud to my baby's!  Lots of love and hugs being sent your way!!

Disappointed in myself. Am I the only one?

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