i can’t tell anyone and it’s killing me

hey. i found out last thursday that i’m pregnant. my boyfriend is the most amazing, loving, and supportive person ever and so i’m okay in that aspect. we decided that i’m going to have an abortion because i’ll be turning 20 next week, he turned 20 in december and we are just not ready or financially able to have a baby. but the past few days i have been very emotional, i’ve discovered a lot of info about figuring out the potential due date and have been looking at week by week updates on pregnancy websites. it’s hard and i know i CANT have the baby, especially since my family will make my life miserable - strict, italian christians. and despite me not believing in anything they believe, they would still make me feel shameful about it. and like i said, i’m not financially stable at this point to take care of another living being. but i really don’t WANT to have an abortion, and it’s breaking my heart. i mean, i look at baby books everyday - little feminist baby books and cute ass clothes and i already have a damn name picked out lmao. pro lifers act like women just wanna have abortions, like that’s the thing to do. but they’re stupid bc this is the hardest decision i’ll ever have to make. and i’m scared. i’m really scared and i know i have my love with me and he’s scared too. but i wish i could tell my mom so i can hug her and she can tell me it’ll be okay. but i can’t, so i’m here. there isn’t really a point to all of this but i just needed a moment to get this all off my chest. because at the end of the day, even though i already know what i have to do, i still don’t know how to feel.